The Onion News Network (2011)
The Onion News Network is the 24-hour cable TV news choice for billions of viewers in 811 countries. Now the hard-hitting, award-winning news you need is available anytime and anywhere you want.
Stagioni
Stagione 2011
1
Enter the Factzone
Stagione 2010
300
VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill
301
Congo Approves Economic Stimulus Package Of AK-47 For Every Citizen
302
Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy Ads
303
New Law Requires Women To Name Baby, Paint Nursery Before Getting Abortion
304
Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever
305
Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her
306
Rep. Seeks Retroactive Immunity For Anyone Who Hit On First Lady Last Night
307
Packers Fan Announces He Will Return To Drinking For Another Season
308
How To Put The Spark Back Into Your Relationship With Your Cat
309
Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk
310
NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018
311
New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other
312
Report: Baby Skull Jewelry May Be Linked To Violence
313
Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier
314
Filming Of Congressional Reality Show Disrupts Committee Meeting
315
Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech
316
How Will The End Of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?
317
Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
318
Boy’s Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python
319
Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog
320
Hot New Relationship Book Warns Women: 'Wake Up! He's A Shapeshifter'
321
Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips On Single Serve Microwavable Meals
322
Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday
323
Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions
324
Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'
325
DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room
326
Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation's Porn From Future Generations
327
In The Know: Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?
328
'Iron Man 2' Buzz Heats Up Over Rumors Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Punched In Face
329
Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win
330
Live Feed: Obama Attends The White House Maintenance Staff Annual Dinner
331
'The Cressbeckler Stance' -- Coming Soon To The Onion News Network
332
Drew Barrymore's New Tell-All Coloring Book Hits Shelves
333
Advocacy Group: Mothers Have Right To Expose Milk-Engorged Breasts In Public
334
Semi-Literate Former Gold Prospector Given Own Cable News Show
335
New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users' Ears
336
Future News From The Year 2137 - Coming Summer 2010
337
Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming
338
Congressmen Submit Emergency 3 AM Bill Demanding IHOP Stay Open All Night
339
Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze
340
Boston Globe Tailors Print Edition For Three Remaining Subscribers
341
Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism?
342
Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
343
Census Visits Providing Shut-Ins Once-A-Decade Chance For Human Interaction
344
USDA Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Tainted Beef From One Family
345
Congress, 1924: Rep. Demands Horses Wear Dresses To Hide Foul Penises
346
Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation's Capitol To Spare Life Of 'Twilight' Author
347
Future: News From The Year 2137 Trailer
348
Restoration Of 'Star Spangled Banner' Uncovers Horrifying New Verses
349
New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products
350
Truck Accident That Killed Rafters in Canyon Sparks Truck-Canyon-Rafter Reform Debate
351
Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody
352
Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa
353
Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot Holds Clues To Crash
354
TIME Announces New Version Of Magazine Aimed At Adults
355
Are Tests Biased Against Students Who Don't Give A Shit?
356
Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer
357
How To Thrust Your Fat Into A More Appealing Shape
358
CIA Accidentally Overthrows Costa Rica
359
Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve
360
NASA Honeyfuggling America With Nonsense Space Dreams
361
How To Play Golf Against The Man Whose Wife You're Banging On The Side
Stagione 2009
105
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
106
Man Who Crossed Nation In Balloon Only Wants To Talk About Horse Abuse
112
Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gasoline
113
Congress Debates Adding Elaborate Dance To Obama's Inauguration Ceremony
119
Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size
120
Police Say School Shooter Had Troubled Past, History Of School Shootings
126
Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea
127
How To Wax Your Floors Without Slipping And Severing Your Spine
202
Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team
204
In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?
209
Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
211
FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
216
East Timor's First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
218
Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer
223
Spam Crackdown Threatens Koy4Goff's Penis Enlarger, Free iPod Industry
225
Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?
226
Jennifer Love Hewitt Pays Magazine 2.2 Million To Run Photos Of Her Baby
227
Congressman Offers Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair
228
NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams
229
Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat
230
Manufacturer Recalls Hollow Point Bullets That Fail To Explode Inside Targets
231
Paleontologists Discover Skeleton Of Natures First Sexual Predator
232
Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
233
Congressmans War Hero Son Would Have Wanted Highway Bill Passed
234
DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
235
Morning Show Host Starts Charity To Rid World Of Flying Debris
236
Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face
237
Study: Children Exposed To Pornography May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
238
Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs
239
Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All US Dollars
240
More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas
241
Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams?
242
Autoworkers Compete to Keep Jobs, Livelihoods on New Reality Show
243
Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
244
Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'
245
Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee
246
Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq
247
Congressman's Son Won't Shut The Hell Up During Hearing
248
Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire
249
NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line
250
Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'
251
Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes
252
Conservatives Warn Quick Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays, Marriage
253
New BabySafe Ball Makes Shaking Your Infant Guilt And Injury Free
254
Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
255
Congressman Demands To Know Who Left Fish Sandwich To Rot On House Floor
256
Gymnast Shawn Johnson Put To Sleep After Breaking Leg
257
US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through Cash4Gold.com
258
Obama To Hold Job Performance Review With Every American Worker
259
Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature
260
New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less
261
Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US Assholes
262
New Live Poll Allows Pundits To Pander To Viewers In Real Time
263
Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon
264
Human Rights Group Campaigns To End Use Of Child Politicians In Africa
265
Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is
266
Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title
267
Congresswoman Says Botched Plastic Surgery Most Important Issue Facing U.S.
268
U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
269
Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive
270
Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village
271
Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women
272
White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase
273
Baseball Superstar Accused of Performance-Enhancing Genie Use
274
Sudden Ominous Music Heard Across U.S., Nation Panicking
275
Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?
276
Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids
277
NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions
278
Americans Observing 911 By Trying Not To Masturbate
279
U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against Pakistan
280
Report: Growing Ranks Of Nouveau Poor Facing Discrimination From Old Poor
281
BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS
282
Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar
283
Crime Reporter Finds Way Of Linking Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex Act
284
Are The Obamas Out Of Touch With The Average Miserable American Family?
285
New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke'
286
Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire
287
Stalker Financial Expert Offers Recession Tips Just For Woman He Follows
288
Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist
289
Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During Meeting
290
How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son
291
Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game
292
Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck
293
Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus
294
Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks
295
Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner
296
Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.
297
Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP
298
Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked
299
DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico
300
Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series
301
Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization
302
Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures
303
Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport
304
Ambassador Stages Coup At UN, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions
305
China Celebrates Its Status As World’s Number One Air Polluter
Stagione 2008
1117
Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman
1118
Chinas Andy Rooney Has Some Funny Opinions About How Great The Chinese Government Is
1124
In Thanksgiving Tradition, Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Costume
1127
USDA Official Takes Courageous Stand Against Interstate Countercyclical Potato Pricing
1201
NASA Simulator Prepares Astronauts For Rigors Of An Interview With Larry King
1208
New Portable Sewing Machine Lets Sweatshop Employees Work On The Go
1209
President To Face Down Monster Attack, Own Demons In Action-Packed Schedule
1215
Aunts And Stepdads Line Up For This Year's Hottest Gift: The Electric Tea Kettle
1217
Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias
1218
2-Year-Old Donkey Called Up To Pro Donkey Basketball League
1219
Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital
1220
Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase
1221
Expert On Anteaters Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters
1222
Host Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography
1223
NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team
1224
Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Children’s Healthcare
1225
Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'
1226
Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times
1227
Study: Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night
1228
Horrific 120-Car Pileup A Sad Reminder Of Princess Diana’s Death
1229
New Auto Security System Will Not Allow Car To Start If Driver Is Nick Nolte
1230
Report: American Schools Trail Behind World In Aptitude Of Child Soldiers
1231
Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times
1232
Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
1233
Precocious Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad
1234
Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes
1235
As Obese Population Rises, More Candidates Courting The Fat Vote
1236
Breaking News: Series Of Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot
1237
Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future
1238
Live From Congress: Representative Wants To Rid Congress Of Gang Members
1239
Ngyuen Thi Buch Thuy: 'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'
1240
In The Know: New Iraqi Law Requires Waiting Period For Suicide Vest Purchases
1241
Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently
1242
Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports
1243
Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early
1244
In The Know: How Can We Make The War In Iraq More Eco-Friendly?
1245
FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It’s Alyson Hannigan
1246
Delicious Snacks Distract Congressmen From Horrors Of War
1247
Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day
1248
White House Press Secretary Spins Wife’s Tragic Death As A Positive
1249
9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says
1250
Plight Of Missing Hikers Will Make Great Movie
1251
Hungry FDA Official Orders Massive Pot Pie Recall
1252
Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film
1253
Astronauts Suffer Agonizing, High-Pitched Death After Helium Leak
1254
Age-Progression Technology Indicates Missing Child A Prostitute By Now
1255
Historic ‘Blockbuster’ Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past
1256
In The Know: Are Politicians Failing Our Lobbyists?
1257
Diet Book Author Advocates New 'No Food Diet'
1258
Genetic Scientists Develop Sheep With Brain Of A Goat
1259
Reporter In Helicopter Pretty Sure Landslide Down There Somewhere
1260
'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'
1261
U.S. Finally Gets Around To Closing Last WWII Internment Camp
1262
High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds
1263
Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013
1264
Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
1265
Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff Enters 11,680th Day
1266
Congress Struggles To Come Up With Cool Name For Anti-Drug Initiative
1267
'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate
1268
Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years
1269
Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat
1270
Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' From Recipe That Came To Him In A Dream
1271
Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Completes First Press Conference Mission
1272
Study Finds Young People Remain Apathetic About Office Politics
1273
The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?
1274
'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man
1275
Chinese Officials: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever
1276
Astronaut Suspects NASA Using Him To Test Space's Effects On Fat People
1277
Latest Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election
1278
Californians Gather To Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition
1279
Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To The South
1280
Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward For African Americans
1281
Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain
1282
Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As It Looks On TV
1283
Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life
1284
Economists Warn Anti-Bush Merchandise Market Close To Collapse
1285
Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars
1286
Obama Promises To Stop America's Shitty Jobs From Going Overseas
1287
McCain’s Economic Plan For Nation: 'Everyone Marry A Beer Heiress'
1288
Obama Runs Constructive Criticism Ad Against McCain
1289
China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space
1290
Gunman Kills 15 Potential Voters In Crucial Swing State
1291
Extreme Weather Alert: Meteorologists Predict Intensely Brisk Autumn
1292
12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams
1293
Was There Too Much Sex And Profanity In The HBO Presidential Debate?
1294
John McCain Accidentally Left On Campaign Bus Overnight
1295
First Openly Gay Racehorse To Compete Sunday
1296
Press Secretary's 'Zumtrel Flooby' Answer May Be Attempt To Evade Question
1297
Cindy McCain Claims She’s ‘Just Like Any Other Female Human’
1298
Obama Undertakes Presidential Internship To Ease Concerns About His Lack Of Experience
1299
In The Know: Has Halloween Become Overcommercialized?
1300
Barbara Bush Runs Aground Off Coast Of Maine
1301
Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
1302
Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are
1303
YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video
1304
In The Know: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
1305
2008-03-31
Reporters Blow Up Plane, Expose Security Lapses
1306
2008-04-02
Christian Charity Helps To Feed Non-Gay Hungry
Stagione 2007
1
Candidates Compete For Vital Idgit Vote
2
TIME Releases Annual List Of Least Influential Americans
3
Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On
4
Viewer Voices: Where We Respond To The Opinions Of Our Uninformed Viewers
5
Controversial Tell-All Book Reveals Wrestling Fans Are Fake
6
A Friend's Cancer: Good For Your Health?
7
Should Animals Be Doing More For The Animal Rights Movement?
8
World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100
9
In The Know: The U.S. Moat
10
Missing Girl Probably Raped
11
Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash
12
In The Know: Do You Remember Life Before The Segway?
13
Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays
14
Gap Unveils New 'For Kids By Kids' Clothing Line
15
Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster
16
Mean Automakers Dash Nation's Hope For Flying Cars
17
Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song 'Bomb New York'
18
In The Know: Teenagers and Alcohol
19
Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Miraculously Hits Passerby Instead
20
'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General
21
In The Know: Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120%
22
Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas
23
Queen Elizabeth II Will Leave Behind Long Legacy Of Waving
24
Live From Congress: Rep. Ingersoll's Murder of a Hobo
25
U.S. Department Of Lost And Found: We Found Your Flip Flop
26
Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys
27
In The Know: Is Our Wealth Hurting Africa’s Feelings?
28
Messages From Our Troops To The Families They Can Barely Remember
29
Report: 70 Percent Of All Praise Sarcastic
30
Live From Congress: Rep. Hardy Calls For A Ladies' Night Out
31
Human Head Found In Hamburger
32
In The Know: Candidates Compete For Vital Idgit Vote
33
Tired Of Traffic? A New DOT Report Urges Drivers: 'Honk'
34
U.S. Department of Lost and Found: Umbrellas and Sweaters
35
In The Know: Should Americans Return To A Simpler, Stone Age Lifestyle?
36
Domestic Abuse No Longer A Problem, Say Bruised Female Researchers
37
In The Know: White House Announces 'Everything Is Great In Iraf'
38
Study: Alzheimer’s Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer’s
39
Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man
40
Mitt Romney Is Candidate Most Voters Want To Get Into Bar Fight With
41
Evangeline Lilly Wins 'Best Wet T-Shirt Fight Scene' At Strong Women In TV Awards
42
International Scandal: Don Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide To Create Film Role
Stagione 2
1
2011-10-04
Asteroid Heads to Earth
2
2011-10-11
Missing Baby Kate
3
2011-10-18
Fantasy Brainwall
4
2011-10-25
Dead Reporter
5
2011-11-01
Exposed, Brooke Alvarez
6
2011-11-11
Today Now! Special
7
2011-11-18
Sex in America
8
2011-11-25
Artificial Intelligence
9
2011-12-02
Brooke vs. O'Brady
10
2011-12-09
Year in Review
Stagione 1
1
2011-01-21
Enter the FactZone
2
2011-01-28
Snowlocaust
3
2011-02-04
Man-Horse Marriage
4
2011-02-11
Fifth Anniversary
5
2011-02-18
The Trial of TR-425
6
2011-02-25
Cyber Attack
7
2011-03-04
The Real Obama
8
2011-03-11
Stock Market Crash
9
2011-03-18
Real America
10
2011-03-25
American Dream
Attori
Suzanne Sena
Brooke Alvarez
Brian Huskey
Duncan Birch
Todd Alan Crain
Tucker Hope
Jill Dobson
Madison Daly
Tracy Toth
Tracy Gill
Brad Holbrook
Jim Haggarty
Chris Juell
Todd Grant
Matt Oberg
Tucker Hope
Aaron Lazar
O'Brady Shaw
Michele Ammon
Jean Anne Whorton
Geneva Carr
Diane Connor
George Riddle
Joad Cressbeckler
Ken Rudulph
Blake Randall
Kyla Grogan
Andrea Bennett
Esther David
Jane Carmichael
Klea Blackhurst
Shelby Cross
Marceline Hugot
Mayor Sue Hallinan
John Cariani
Michael Falk
